Ask Uncle Dave

"I can almost guarantee that 2-3 years down the line, your bike is going to look more like these bikes than the one you are currently riding..."

"I think we need an 'Enduro' Charter of Rights and Freedoms where everybody who swings a leg over an 'Enduro' bike agrees to not look stupid..."

Dave was ready for this question - so be ready to feel the brunt of Dave's disinterested rage...

Our hero calls this "The Worst Uncle Dave Instalment" largely because it contains useful information...

"Since then my friend has locked up his back brake and tried to wreck every corner he goes into..."

Uncle Dave faces off against the entire internet in a battle of wits and logic - and Uncle Dave is the judge...

"Please explain that the bike industry knows what they're doing and I'm just not smart enough to understand..."

"Paying thousands of dollars for a bicycle to ride in the woods is about as far from logical as one can get..."

"There was a hint of what inspired them in their new creation, but just a hint..."

"Old age occurs when you stop buying new equipment to improve and you start buying new equipment to mask how old and slow you are..."

"Short of hanging out at the trailhead each and every Friday evening, pleading with hoards of drunk people..."

"Should I give up hope and focus on things I am good at , things that require no innate physical gifts… like beard growing or checkers..."

I’m pretty happy if I get home from a ride without bruising or numbness in my testicles.

"Deny any problem, make no changes, continue to stress that this is the best product ever…"

"Nobody is forcing you to buy the new standard? If anybody ever says this to you, punch them right in the balls..."

Wear some kind of strange piece of clothing and then pretend that you’re from Eastern Europe...

"Like a George W. Bush era terrorist, they hate your freedom. Really, you’re just asking for it..."

"What you've come up with is actually a pretty fantastic little idea, depending on a few things..."

"What you're suffering from is a tremendously common affliction within the mountain biking community known as Trailside Inadequacy Syndrome."