Kiwiana

There is no sane, environmentally responsible way to frame climbing on a plane and flying to the bottom of the world to go mountain biking, but given the current cross-border flap between our two countries (US and Canada, I mean), this is exactly what I am recommending you consider doing for your next “get the hell out of Dodge” mountain bike themed escape. Before you get too far down the carbon footprint or deep vein thrombosis wormhole, hear me out.

Without stepping into the minefield of our personal politics, I hope we can agree that the current situation between Canada and the US is a little tense. We have Canadian readers canceling plans to visit the US and advocating against buying US made stuff. We have US readers nervous to visit Canada because policies made by the current administration have incited some pretty strong anti-US sentiment.

And there is nothing that I can do, short of keeping my mouth shut about things, to defuse that stress. There’s nothing most of you can do, either. People in power make decisions that make some citizens happy, and bum other citizens right out. Since there’s nothing that you or I can do about the decisions our leaders make once they are in power, and rather than further feed the trolls on either side of the rhetorical divide, I am going to suggest something radical to everyone:

Take a break from doomscrolling the news. Go to New Zealand. Just bypass this whole US/Canada kerfuffle completely. Turn on, tune in, drop out, so to speak.

For starters, New Zealand fucking rules. Everyone knows this. Even Australians. The landscape, the general cultural vibe, the opportunities to go do rad shit outdoors, New Zealand has got it going on.

Now, with regard to mountain biking, New Zealand rules even more. A pair of islands occupying about the same landmass as California but instead of 40 million people there are only about 5 million, a jaw-dropping diversity of climate and topography crammed into said landmass, and a strong homegrown culture surrounding getting outside and doing stuff have all combined to create one of the most spectacularly varied, bike-friendly environments on the planet. Mountain biking has been going off in New Zealand for a while now, and the options for riding are deep and varied enough that all levels and types of rider can explore their brains out and never come close to running out of new terrain. It would be really difficult to show up down there with a bike and no real plan and fly home a few weeks later disappointed. Seriously. Just throw a dart at a map. There are probably trails there.

Whether it’s the built to the hilt labyrinth of trails in the redwood forest in Rotorua that offers a little bit of everything for everyone, or the fistfuls of technical singletrack with a city view in Wellington, or the beech to beach vert in Nelson and the surrounding areas, or the go-big or go home radness of Queenstown and Wanaka, or the massive tip to tail gravel grandeur of Tour Aotearoa, the whole country is absolutely packed to the gills with riding opportunity.

And then there are the forest tracks of the South Island’s West Coast. Jutting out of the ocean and rising straight up several thousand feet, the west coast of the South Island interrupts the water heavy westerly winds of the roaring 40s. As the moisture laden air struggles to rise over the mountains, it dumps a massive amount of that water on the jagged topography of the west coast – from around 2800mm a year in Hokitika up to over 6800mm in Milford Sound. This monumental amount of rainfall has led to the growth of massive podocarp forests over the 10,000 year span since the last ice age, populated with species of trees that can’t be found anywhere else on earth; kahikatea, matai, miru, rimu and totara provide a dense canopy beneath which a profusion of tree ferns, vines, ground ferns, grasses and mosses fill a wild understory bursting with a thousand interpretations of the color green.

Pointing tires into these forests is an immersion into an entirely different sensory realm. Dark, raw, primitive and spectacular, there is a deep restful peace breathing out of the lush vegetation that takes the term “forest bathing” to a whole new level. The tracks that roll through these forests are marvels of trail building, given the environment, but they are not the kind of trails you’d seek out if you’re looking to get rad. Instead, think of them more as really big sightseeing rides; hut to hut epics that take you through a kaleidoscope of terrain and vegetation and jaw dropping views. The Paparoa Track, Old Ghost Road, Pike 29 Memorial Trail, the Heaphy Track all provide access to this realm in the form of big, often multi-day rides. I rode Paparoa in a day, and it was a bruiser for me – 55km with a little under 2000m of climbing. Pike 29 is a relatively friendly up and back single day ride that can also be connected to the first part of Paparoa Track as shuttle, but whichever way you do it there’ll be about 1000m of climbing to start the ride. For the others, and maybe even Paparoa, consider them as multi-day big rides.

I went down on this trip thinking I would be doing the usual hot lap of hot spots – Rotorua, Wellington, Nelson, Craigieburn, Skippers Canyon – but instead got coerced into aiming for the west coast at the tail end of my trip. Now, all I can think about is going back and riding the more of these epics, and hiking the rest of them. Gigantic prehistoric forests, brimming with green funky life, sunk a hook in me. And I can say this with absolute clarity: I did not give one single thought to tariffs, trade wars, or the state of the bike industry at any point during those sweat soaked hours in the trees. That alone kinda made it worth the plane ticket.

Okay, so it’s a long-ass flight to get there, but once you’re there, you’re there. And so is everything else you need to have a kickass mountain bike vacation without having to realign your moral compass. In fact, there is a strong enough “made in New Zealand” mountain bike ethos and overall cultural zeitgeist that you could, conceivably, leave most of your old shit at home and spend your tourist dollars on some distinctly Aotearoa flavored gear while down there. You’d travel lighter, support a local economy, and come home with not just memories but some functional and solidly noteworthy riding kit that you can’t buy anywhere else in the world. To that end, may I suggest checking out the following brands:

Ground Effect. These guys have been around since the mid-90s, making quality mountain biking threads in Christchurch, and are essentially the OG Kiwi mtb brand. Low-key in their marketing, heavily invested in supporting trail building and events, with a gently absurdist sense of humor, Ground Effect makes high quality tops, pants and outerwear that can go toe-to-toe with any of the “insert your favorite brand name here” competitors. However, unlike most everyone else (globally or within NZ), Ground Effect makes it all in New Zealand. Surprisingly, thanks to a very dialed inventory and sourcing process, Ground Effect manages to stay price competitive with the Asia-sourced big brand goods. They don’t export to this continent, though, so the only way you’ll get some is if you head on down and buy it there. I’m currently in love with their Slim Jim shorts, Stovepipe pants, Neopolitan long sleeve Merino top, and the ultra-classy Zamboni button down shirt.

Cactus Outdoor. Also based in Christchurch, Cactus makes a huge variety of work and athletic gear, and goes by the phrase “gear that wears in, not out.” True story: About a decade ago I ordered some of their work shorts. They shipped them up from NZ to the US. I opened the package, stood each pair of shorts up on the floor, because they are made from heavy canvas fabric that is “that” stiff when new, and left for a bike ride. When I came home five hours later, the shorts were still standing up where I had placed them. I made the mistake not long after of gaining some weight, and those shorts never let me forget it. Tough is an understatement. More like a sort of enforced sartorial brutality. But if you want gear that is going to last a very, very, very long time, Cactus has you covered. Cactus canvas gear – pants, coats, packs – is made in New Zealand, but the lighter t-shirts and Merino garb are sourced overseas. I picked up the Henry Backpack on this trip, along with the Love Handle handlebar roll so I could stash a sleeping bag on overnighters. Neither of these would be considered bargains, but I do not doubt they’ll last long enough to be a problem for whoever has to clean out my stuff when I die.

Nzo Dirtwear. Around the time that Ground Effect were getting going in Christchurch, Gary Sullivan was doing something very similar up north in Rotorua with a brand he was calling N-Zone – designing and sewing quality mountain bike gear that included a healthy amount of Merino wool in the mix. I met Gaz in 2000, and a wool long sleeve he gifted me then became my favorite forever jersey and lasted all the way until a couple years ago. There was a patch on the sleeve that read "made in New Zealand from sunshine and Grass", and to this day I think that is about the sweetest marketing statement ever. Anyway, there was a scuffle with some US based, NFL themed apparel company at some point that led to the brand being renamed Nzo, and then there were some hard fiscal reckonings that curtailed the NZ manufacture end of things. Nevertheless, Nzo still designs awesome riding gear that fits really well, lasts forever and has a subtly understated cool factor. Nzo Dobies and Sifters are household names when it comes to riding shorts in NZ, and the t-shirt designs at the Nzo printshop are always worth a look.

It should also be noted here that Gaz is a hell of an inspiring human being. He just turned 68, and is a few short years in remission from esophageal cancer, and he absolutely kicked my ass from one end of Paparoa Track to the other a little over a week ago. My fat ass slowed his pace down by about a half hour from his ride there the year prior…

Clothing aside, you need to know a few things about a few things:

Meat pies. Sort of the burrito of the southern hemisphere. God damn, they take these seriously. I mean, when I was growing up down there they were everywhere but were not really the stuff of legend other than in a casual joking kind of way. Now, the meat pie is a serious thing. And is seriously good. It’s like the whole country is competing (subtly, quietly, but still…) to be the all-time meat pie kings of the world. On a dollar per calorie basis, there is not much that can outperform a meat pie. And for those who are not afraid of consuming glutens, animals, salt, fat, and more fat, they are hard to resist. I’m not even gonna pretend I tasted the best. I tried, lord I tried. But there are so many good pies being baked that you’d have to write a book about it. Or launch an app. As it is, I gorged myself on the things at every chance I got, never regretted it in the moment, but am feeling fat and full of self-loathing now from my research. You have been warned.

Feijoas. All hail the mighty feijoa. Known sometimes as the pineapple guava, but usually just regarded with a furrowed brow by people in North America, this little Andean refugee grows like a backyard weed in New Zealand. And it is awesome. There are a couple dozen different cultivars but they all are basically green on the outside, whitish and tangy/creamy/sweet on the inside, and they start coming ripe sometime in March. They do not travel well, their shelf stability is close to non-existent, but nobody cares because almost everyone has them growing in their backyard. I nominate late March as the ideal time to visit New Zealand not only because the weather is still somewhat predictable, but because this arrival time coincides with peak feijoa season.

OSM All-Terrain Nutrition. Somewhere between a Clif bar and a rice krispie treat, these things are so damn addictive. Super tasty, calorie dense, no artificial flavors or sweeteners, intended as an actual meal replacement, and like so many good things, made in Christchurch. OSM bars are a super solid ride food that can be found in most supermarkets on the South Island. OSM stands for “One Square Meal”. I did not know that at first, and just thought the letters were a way of saying “awesome”.

Pure Electrolyte Hydration. We all have our own relationships with sweat and hydration, and I have come late to the realization that, for me, I cannot bank solid ride hours on water alone. A little electrolyte assistance during rides makes me recover a whole lot more easily between them. As such, I have become a devotee of Skratch Labs electrolytes up north. Wanting to pack light, I left mine at home on this trip. This in turn led me to discover Pure Electrolyte Hydration in a supermarket. Mellow tasting, easy on the stomach, Pure runs about half as rich per serving as Skratch in terms of sodium and magnesium and potassium, and has about a third less sugar per serving. Real freeze dried fruits for flavor. I liked it enough that I brought a bag home with me. I decided just now to see where it is made. Christchurch. Go figure.

Okay, so this all seems like a bit of a contrivance, right? A fabricated justification to indulge in recreational travel. Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I have been feeling in need a of a reset. In between the real world obligations of caretaking others, putting food on my own table, and trying to keep up with the dynamics of this here bike industry where I make my living, I was feeling like a raw nerve. Easily triggered and highly reactive. I’m not going to say that traveling to New Zealand fixed everything, but god damn it was a good and welcome change. It got me out of my own head.

And, for a long ass plane flight, it was not horrifically expensive to get there. I got an email the other day from Air New Zealand. Currently, tickets from LAX to Auckland are going for 885 USD round trip, as part of an 85th birthday celebration for the airline. One of the travel windows for that fare is October 20 through November 13. Springtime. Could be a roll of the dice on the weather front, but you could say that most any month down there. Conversely, you could book a ticket for next March, same time I was just there, and get a flight for hair over a grand, round trip. That same late March time frame next year from Vancouver runs about 2K CAD, but there are currently two-stop flights on Delta running about 1K CAD for next week. Just for the sake of comparison, if I wanted to fly from Denver to San Francisco next week, that would cost me 775 USD.

New Zealand. Ask your doctor if it’s right for you.