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Wife Wierdness

Jan. 23, 2014, 7:54 a.m.
Posts: 142
Joined: June 24, 2013

I'm having issues with my wife and it's driving me nuts.

My wife is located in the bedroom at one end of the house. My lap is located in the living room at the other end of the house approximately 60' away. The tv is between the couch and the office. If I'm on the couch and watch porn on the tv, all is good. If I turn the tv on then open up my pants, the wife gets pissed. I have to turn off the tv, get the wife on my lap, then turn the tv back on. Sometimes it takes a couple of tries. If I don't turn the tv on I can bring my lap closer to the the wife and she will connect, but with a speed equivalent to paint drying, even if I bring my lap into the office and sit it right on her face. I also tried disconnecting my pants and pulling them back up. No change. The only way I can re-establish a strong wife signal is to turn off the tv, connect, then turn the tv back on. The kitchen is also between the living room and office and every time she makes a sandwich it shuts off the porn on the TV.

I've considered moving the wife to the living room, but I still need the wife in the kitchen so the problem will likely just be reversed. I guess I could add another wife to the living room and have 2 wifes?? Or???

Please make your responses really dumbed down. I'm next to illiterate with this stuff.

Libre? Libre como el vienta……

Jan. 23, 2014, 8:04 a.m.
Posts: 9084
Joined: Dec. 23, 2003

wine is fine , but liquors quicker…..

Jan. 23, 2014, 8:06 a.m.
Posts: 17745
Joined: Oct. 28, 2003

Simple, just change her to channel sex

Jan. 23, 2014, 8:13 a.m.
Posts: 7594
Joined: July 25, 2007

hit her with a rake

Jan. 23, 2014, 8:23 a.m.
Posts: 9084
Joined: Dec. 23, 2003

You call mr happy a rake?

Jan. 23, 2014, 8:25 a.m.
Posts: 16284
Joined: March 15, 2003

ruffies. duct tape. next.

Jan. 23, 2014, 8:26 a.m.
Posts: 1876
Joined: March 2, 2006

The speed of the wife/lap connection is directly related to the didyouputyourshitaway variable. If yourshithasbeenputaway and the kitchen is free from obstacles, the wife/lap connection will speed up.
If you want to connect directly as soon as the pants open, you will need to replace the whatsfordinner with hereimadeyoudinner and if you add the the flowers and wine you will have access through multiple ports.
Don't forget, in colder weather its always good to keep wife primed with warm hands. In a smooth circular motion, place warm hand directly on wife until you hear a soft cooing. That's how you know wife is primed.

Grumpy Trail Builder in Training

Jan. 23, 2014, 8:41 a.m.
Posts: 16082
Joined: Nov. 20, 2002

What a wierd way to spell 'weirdness'.

When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity.

When many people suffer from a delusion, it is called religion.

Jan. 23, 2014, 9:05 a.m.
Posts: 142
Joined: June 24, 2013

What a wierd way to spell 'weirdness'.

take another look at the (parody) thread title d!psh!t.

Libre? Libre como el vienta……

Jan. 23, 2014, 9:14 a.m.
Posts: 9084
Joined: Dec. 23, 2003

how do u really feel?

Jan. 23, 2014, 9:21 a.m.
Posts: 142
Joined: June 24, 2013

how do u really feel?

a little hungover actually, so, normal.

Libre? Libre como el vienta……

Jan. 23, 2014, 9:22 a.m.
Posts: 9084
Joined: Dec. 23, 2003

lol,you are on a roll today..

Jan. 23, 2014, 9:40 a.m.
Posts: 4829
Joined: Oct. 24, 2004

I'd open the box right up and take a look, could be something wrong with the internals.

viperfunk.com

Jan. 23, 2014, 9:47 a.m.
Posts: 2615
Joined: March 29, 2009

Every time I have a problem with the wife/lap connection, I try jamming the plug into the receptacle from different angles. Works eventually.

Jan. 23, 2014, 9:53 a.m.
Posts: 5444
Joined: April 10, 2005

It's better just to have a wife connection in the bedroom [HTML_REMOVED] the kitchen, as that's generally all that's required. I know these days it seems to be the "in" thing to have wife connections in all kinds of places, but believe me, only 2 are needed.

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