Wife Wierdness

I'm having issues with my wife and it's driving me nuts.

My wife is located in the bedroom at one end of the house. My lap is located in the living room at the other end of the house approximately 60' away. The tv is between the couch and the office. If I'm on the couch and watch porn on the tv, all is good. If I turn the tv on then open up my pants, the wife gets pissed. I have to turn off the tv, get the wife on my lap, then turn the tv back on. Sometimes it takes a couple of tries. If I don't turn the tv on I can bring my lap closer to the the wife and she will connect, but with a speed equivalent to paint drying, even if I bring my lap into the office and sit it right on her face. I also tried disconnecting my pants and pulling them back up. No change. The only way I can re-establish a strong wife signal is to turn off the tv, connect, then turn the tv back on. The kitchen is also between the living room and office and every time she makes a sandwich it shuts off the porn on the TV.

I've considered moving the wife to the living room, but I still need the wife in the kitchen so the problem will likely just be reversed. I guess I could add another wife to the living room and have 2 wifes?? Or???

Please make your responses really dumbed down. I'm next to illiterate with this stuff.

wine is fine , but liquors quicker…..

Simple, just change her to channel sex

hit her with a rake

You call mr happy a rake?

ruffies. duct tape. next.

The speed of the wife/lap connection is directly related to the didyouputyourshitaway variable. If yourshithasbeenputaway and the kitchen is free from obstacles, the wife/lap connection will speed up.
If you want to connect directly as soon as the pants open, you will need to replace the whatsfordinner with hereimadeyoudinner and if you add the the flowers and wine you will have access through multiple ports.
Don't forget, in colder weather its always good to keep wife primed with warm hands. In a smooth circular motion, place warm hand directly on wife until you hear a soft cooing. That's how you know wife is primed.

What a wierd way to spell 'weirdness'.

What a wierd way to spell 'weirdness'.

take another look at the (parody) thread title d!psh!t.

how do u really feel?

how do u really feel?

a little hungover actually, so, normal.

lol,you are on a roll today..

I'd open the box right up and take a look, could be something wrong with the internals.

Every time I have a problem with the wife/lap connection, I try jamming the plug into the receptacle from different angles. Works eventually.