Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small, empty bowl.
"Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty.
"Who's been eating my Porridge?" he roars.
Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "How many times do we have to go through this?"
"It was Mama Bear who got up first, it was Mama Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Mama Bear who made the coffee, it was Mama Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away. It was Mama Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Mama Bear who set the table, it was Mama Bear who walked the dog, put the cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the dog's and cat's water and food dishes, and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry asses downstairs, and grace Mama Bear's kitchen with your presence. Listen up, because I'm only going to say this one more time…"
"I HAVEN'T MADE THE FUCKING PORRIDGE YET!!!!!"
The Gay Cowboy…
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand..
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."