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The NSMB Random Joke Thread

Aug. 7, 2021, 10:14 a.m.
Posts: 3541
Joined: May 23, 2006

Why are they opening the border to yanks w/2 shots w/o a test ?

Because the mincing pimp wants to win an election.

Aug. 20, 2021, 11:30 a.m.
Posts: 3541
Joined: May 23, 2006

What do you call the first Afghan off the plane?

Amhere.

What do you call the second Afghan off the plane?

Amhere Azwel.

What do you call the third Afghan off the plane?

Amhere Azwell Azhim...

Aug. 20, 2021, 5:53 p.m.
Posts: 6016
Joined: April 10, 2005

They finally ID'ed that guy whose remains they found in a pizza oven in Surrey back in 1993. His name was Amir CInder.

Aug. 24, 2021, 10:12 p.m.
Posts: 15446
Joined: Dec. 30, 2002

Posted by: Stuminator

They finally ID'ed that guy whose remains they found in a pizza oven in Surrey back in 1993. His name was Amir CInder.

As a former Surrey'ite, you forgot half the joke since there was two found in the oven.

Amir Cinder's friend was Pandeep.

Aug. 30, 2021, 7:50 p.m.
Posts: 6016
Joined: April 10, 2005

Q; In that movie "E.T." what was E.T. short for?

A; Because his legs were small.

My uncle fell into an upholstery machine. Don't worry, he's fully recovered now.

They say milk is fast cause it's pasteurized before you even see it.

Aug. 30, 2021, 8:01 p.m.
Posts: 319
Joined: Feb. 24, 2017

A doctor is caught having sex with one of his patients, and within minutes the whole hospital is talking about it. Later that day he’s cornered by an administrator, who says, “Rumor has it you had sex with a patient. I demand an explanation.”

“Look,” says the doc. “I’m single. I’m not the first doctor to screw one of his patients, and I won’t be the last. So what’s the big deal?”

“But, Sam, you’re a veterinarian!”

Aug. 30, 2021, 11:40 p.m.
Posts: 3541
Joined: May 23, 2006

A man walks into an elevator, finding himself alone with a woman. He hits the button for his floor, the doors close, and the elevator begins to climb.

The woman says, "Can I smell your balls?"

The man, obviously offended, says, "NO!"

She then says, "Okay... It must be your feet."

Aug. 31, 2021, 10:22 a.m.
Posts: 3541
Joined: May 23, 2006

Have you heartd about the guy who could throw a stick do far it took his dog an hour to bring it back?

Sounds a little far-fetched to me.

Sept. 4, 2021, 6:37 p.m.
Posts: 3541
Joined: May 23, 2006

In the 'merican SE fundamentalist christens think Adam and Eve kept a tyrannasaurus rex for a pet and that it cracked open coconuts for them. 

At least that's what they're told at teh Creation Museum.

Sept. 6, 2021, 11:22 p.m.
Posts: 3541
Joined: May 23, 2006

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

None.

Sept. 7, 2021, 9:09 a.m.
Posts: 6016
Joined: April 10, 2005

An Irishman walks out of a bar.....well it COULD happen!

Sept. 7, 2021, 10:14 a.m.
Posts: 3541
Joined: May 23, 2006

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, "What's your name?"

The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."

The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into

Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name."

"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old. I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."

The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years.. you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling

you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."

"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office.

FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $ 50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...

"Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood , you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice..

Sincerely,

Dick van Dyke

Sept. 8, 2021, 8:34 p.m.
Posts: 6016
Joined: April 10, 2005

My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 UP.

Why did the man fall down the well? Cause he couldn't see that well.

Oct. 17, 2021, 6:41 p.m.
Posts: 6016
Joined: April 10, 2005

I went to the dentist the other day. He said "You need a crown". I replied "Finally. Somebody who understands me!"

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