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The NSMB Random Joke Thread

May 25, 2018, 6:47 p.m.
Posts: 6055
Joined: April 10, 2005

Two jews are walking by a Catholic church that has a sign outside saying "100 bucks for converting to Catholicism". The one jew says "Hey that's alot of money. I'm gonna drop in, convert over & cash in". So about a half hour later he comes out & the other jew asks "Well was it worth the 100 dollars?" The converted jew replies "It's all about money to you people, isn't it?"

July 3, 2018, 10:19 p.m.
Posts: 1922
Joined: Nov. 23, 2002

Why Some Men have Dogs and Not Wives

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. 

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 

4. A dog's parents never visit. 

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?" 

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away. 

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert. 

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting. 

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

To test this theory:

Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour.

Then open it and see who's happy to see you!

July 4, 2018, 12:07 a.m.
Posts: 33723
Joined: Nov. 19, 2002

lol #9

July 7, 2018, 12:44 a.m.
Posts: 6055
Joined: April 10, 2005

But, you never step in your wife's shit.

Aug. 1, 2018, 6:53 p.m.
Posts: 1302
Joined: March 18, 2017

Arc'teryx Footwear.

Aug. 31, 2018, 9:53 p.m.
Posts: 6055
Joined: April 10, 2005

I guess if they give guns to teachers in the USA, they'll have to provide silencers to the librarians to put on their guns?


 Last edited by: Stuminator on Aug. 31, 2018, 9:53 p.m., edited 1 time in total.
Sept. 1, 2018, 11:50 a.m.
Posts: 1302
Joined: March 18, 2017

Posted by: JBV

Posted by: Endur-Bro

Arc'teryx Footwear.

that bad?

GF had her Bora2 Leather boots sole delam in about 30mins of walking around Lynn Valley trails.  My NorVan GTX shoe has lasted 12 months of minimal use before the sole started to separate at the rear. Ski boot recall...

Sept. 4, 2018, 11:31 a.m.
Posts: 1302
Joined: March 18, 2017

https://twitter.com/yvrairport/status/1036968615004651525

Sept. 4, 2018, 12:40 p.m.
Posts: 1781
Joined: Feb. 26, 2015

Pretty good

Sept. 16, 2018, 10:22 p.m.
Posts: 2026
Joined: May 2, 2004

Pilots favourite bagel? Plain

Sept. 17, 2018, 9 p.m.
Posts: 6055
Joined: April 10, 2005

Last animal you wanna play cards against? A cheetah.

Sept. 20, 2018, 5:37 p.m.
Posts: 1922
Joined: Nov. 23, 2002

The boss walks into the office in the morning without realizing his zipper was down. His assistant walked up to him and said "When you left the house this morning, did you close the garage door?" The boss replied yes that he knew he had and walked into his office a bit puzzled by the question.   After finishing off some paperwork he suddenly noticed that his fly was open and zipped it up. He also realized what his assistant meant by garage door.  

As he headed out for some coffee he paused by her desk as asked her "When my garage door was open did you happen to see my Jaguar parked in there?"

She smiled and said "No, I didn't. All I saw was an old Mini with two flat tires."

Oct. 19, 2018, 6:11 p.m.
Posts: 6055
Joined: April 10, 2005

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

His wife took it hard.

Feb. 12, 2019, 10:05 p.m.
Posts: 6055
Joined: April 10, 2005

I got my wife a "get better soon" card. She's not sick or anything, I just think she can get better.

March 8, 2019, 9:16 p.m.
Posts: 6055
Joined: April 10, 2005

When a vampire gets dressed up to go out at night, how does he know if he looks good?

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