Words by Dave Tolnai

"It would be easy to not worry too much about the dawn of a new XT - but that would be a mistake..."

"There is almost no point in talking about this any longer because we’ve entered the domain of bad teenage drama..."

"I know that every time you come tearing down Crank-it-up and you catch a flash out of the corner of your eye, you're heading right back up to ride that trail again..."

"We’re plunging towards disaster, one slo-mo infused, red-bull drenched web edit at a time..."

"You’re talking about a tremendously boring subset of a sport that nobody really cares about..."

"I hate dealing with the binary gear nerds who come pouring out of the bowels of the bulletin boards..."

None of these fork shaped objects should make it to market and the Product Managers at fault should be shipped back to the Quiznos they came from...

"As far as I can tell, there is zero financial logic behind anything remotely related to bikes..."

"Eventually, we all give in. Even the “26 for life” crowd is going to need a new bike at some point..."

"Why are MTB riders such critical pricks, and why, given that fact, are they also so sensitive to criticism..."

“If you put a lot of energy into creating fantastical worst case scenarios, it’s possible to talk yourself into/out of just about anything…”

"I bet he goes home and yells at his dog to stop wagging its tail, citing some obscure no-tail-wagging rules..."

Dave will be happy to tell you what he thinks of racing - and about buying yourself back into mountain biking...

"You realize that the people who made that lightweight piece of metal you careen down hills upon can hardly wash or feed themselves..."

"I can almost guarantee that 2-3 years down the line, your bike is going to look more like these bikes than the one you are currently riding..."

"I think we need an 'Enduro' Charter of Rights and Freedoms where everybody who swings a leg over an 'Enduro' bike agrees to not look stupid..."

Uncle Dave wants a week without scandal…

Dave was ready for this question - so be ready to feel the brunt of Dave's disinterested rage...

Our hero calls this "The Worst Uncle Dave Instalment" largely because it contains useful information...

"Since then my friend has locked up his back brake and tried to wreck every corner he goes into..."

"I mean, the anal retentive, bike obsessive is one type of idiot - and he's your type of idiot right now..."

Uncle Dave faces off against the entire internet in a battle of wits and logic - and Uncle Dave is the judge...

"The most important product for the sport this millennium...neh ever!...is the advent of readily available..."

“You remember the story of that guy that traded a paperclip for a house?”