Worst Groomsmaid Ever
Dear Uncle Dave,
So a good friend of mine is getting married and he chose a pretty awesome riding destination as the location of the wedding… well actually 2 awesome riding locations. I’m in the wedding party and so I have some obligations over the weekend, but it seems like everything has been scheduled to prevent mountain biking from happening. For example, the day before the wedding we’re going golfing in the middle of the morning. Golfing, the brunch of the “sports” world. The “sport” where you finish more intoxicated than you started. Then to make matters worse there’s actual brunch the day after wedding. How to ruin an entire day, step 1. My girlfriend is already making fun of me, “Enjoy your spa day, I’m going riding sucker.” “Make sure you don’t hurt yourself golfing *snicker*.” I feel like I’m living in a certain IFHT video.
What do I do? Do I snap my friend out of it? Set an example? Find a look-a-like fill in?
Worst Grooms-maid Ever
PS – Any good wedding gift ideas? Everything [left] on the registry is boring.
Weddings are the worst. I’m pretty glad that I’m through the period in my life where there is a wedding every month. I guess I’m approaching the period in my life where there’s slightly sadder and smaller second weddings every couple of months? Time will tell.
So. You’re pretty much fucked. If you’re in the wedding party… I don’t know. Society and it’s bullshit expectations require you to attend all of the official activities. I see a couple of windows for you though.
This golf thing… I don’t really get it. I assume it’s not a “stag party.” If so, I think you should go. Pay your friend back by pumping him full of more alcohol than he’s ever consumed in his life. Not enough to completely ruin the wedding…but just enough to show him how terrible an idea it was to force everybody to go golfing the day before his wedding. If you get lucky, maybe he’ll black out early, leaving you some time to get a ride in with your girlfriend. If it’s not a stag, but something else… like some bullshit “last round of golf as a free man” nonsense… I don’t know… just tell him you don’t golf? Explain that he’ll probably have more fun if he’s there with people actually enjoying himself? Or just obliviously own it. “Oh man! That sounds great! Too bad I don’t golf. You guys are going to have a blast, though!” Somehow, when you pretend that it’s a hardship as you weasel out of something, people tend to have less of a problem with it. But you’re probably going golfing, and you’re definitely fucked.
The brunch…no. Nobody has the right to your time the day after a wedding. If you’re feeling really guilty, just drop in, make 20 minutes of small talk, and then sneak out the back. Or, as above, own it and claim hardship. “Brunch? Sounds awesome! Sorry we can’t make it. We have this mountain bike ride planned that I promised my girlfriend. You guys have a blast though! Is there going to be bacon!” I can’t imagine your buddy holding it against you. He may envy your creativity and initiative, but if he’s angry that you tried to salvage a bit of fun for yourself by skipping out on a brunch with his extended family after you sacrificed so much already…Man.
By the way, I’m not married. I don’t consistently get called selfish, but it has happened. Consider that as you take in this advice.
For the wedding gift, I have two ideas. One, find yourself a go to idea that you can trademark as your own and that you give each and every wedding. Something classy. I used to give everybody a nice teapot. Looking back…I mean…everybody has the same teapot now. And nobody really drinks tea. But it felt right at the time. Or, get them a gift certificate to some nice restaurant to which they otherwise wouldn’t go. Say something like “hopefully you can use it to create a new tradition for yourselves”, or some other sappy nonsense. People love that kind of shit.
PS – Your girlfriend sounds like a keeper. And I’m hoping the prize givers can find it within themselves to send you a pair of socks or something that you can work into your gift.
Gummo!- you win a one-year membership to Ryan Leech Connection (value $19 USD/month). Ryan’s courses will make you a better rider – or you’ll get your money back. Ryan will even answer your questions personally. How sweet is that? If you’d like to snag a juicy prize for yourself, fire a question to Uncle Dave. This you can probably share with your girlfriend. Send us an email to collect your prize. Socks? Could happen.
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What’s wrong with brunch?