Uncle Dave: We need some standards here!

Dearest Uncle Dave,

This is not a rant or question about new standards – but it is a comment on standards. Why can’t we pick a unit of measure and be done with it? The bike industry is a mix of imperial (boo) and metric (yeah) standards and it’s annoying the inner enginerd in me.

•Bike Hex wrenches and bolts – all metric – wohoo

•Boost spacing – metric (stupid but metric) – 110 & 148mm

•Super Boost – metric (and effin annoying if it goes past Pivot) – 157mm

•Axle size – 9mm, 10mm, 15mm, 20mm

•Head tube – 1 1/8” or 1.5”

•Wheel Size – 26”, 27.5” or 29” (I’m not getting in to the fact that a 700c rim measures 622mm ISO or the “French” 700 A/B/C/D sizing systems – google Sheldon Brown’s explanation if you want to get confused)

•Travel – ok this goes either-way – 5.5” or 140mm (depending on the brand), but Forks have turned over a metric leaf

•Rotor size – goes both ways…sometimes – ok fine, rotors are “unit-curious”

•Tire width – 2.35”, 2.5”, 3”, etc.

•Shock size – ok this is stupid. They are both metric and imperial…

◦190mm x 51mm is equal to 7.48”x2”

◦215.9mm x 63.5mm is equal to 8.5”x2.5”

◦And conversely; 205mm x 65mm is 8.07”x2.559”

◦Point is – both versions are metric and imperial…and the actual eye to eye spacing is what has changed, not the unit of measure. Calling it “metric” is not accurate.

◦The real win here is trunnion mount – which saves room inside the front triangle and allows for future electronic application to be mounted on top (or not, I dunno).

I get it, Americans and the British cannot handle the Metric system…and they may cry a bit - but let’s face it, degrees Fahrenheit or MPH or HP aren’t typically discussed in bike design (resisting the urge to make an e-bike comment….resisting….). It would be nice to standardize within the industry and use calculators or the google to satisfy personal preference.

In conclusion – pick a unit of measure and be a dick about it.

Yours Nerdily,

Captain Pocket Protector

Dear Crapface:

Have you ever worked with a guy who continually told the same joke over and over and over again? It’s usually something along the lines of “Working hard, or hardly working?” followed by a self-congratulatory laugh and shake-of-the-head because he's just so dang impressed by his own wit. I have worked with such a person, and it’s the worst. Eventually they start telling you your own stories that you told them a few months previously.

There’s also the kind of person who comes in to work spouting catch phrases that he witnessed on television the night before*. I actually think this is the greatest tangential benefit of the age of streaming: We’re no longer watching the same thing at the same time so the resident work clown no longer has this move in their repertoire. Unfortunately, they usually compensate by telling you more of your own stories back to you, or dropping spoilers to shows you haven’t gotten around to watching yet.

Of course, there is humour that exists precisely because of the repetition. The fact that everybody says it under a given circumstance is the joke. The more it is used and the further it is stretched, the funnier it gets. To a point. Eventually your mom starts saying it, marking 6 months past the date that everybody else should have moved on. “Looks like a session” being a key example and candidate for both of these things.

But, for the most part, humour relies on originality. It’s not funny when you keep saying the same joke. And it’s less funny when it wasn’t even your joke to begin with. The closer your repetitions are, and the higher the skill level of the original joke teller, the worse things become. I remember sitting through a stand-up set of a now-disgraced comedian and the guys beside us were REPEATING THE FUCKING PUNCHLINES OF THE JOKES TO ONE ANOTHER MOMENTS AFTER IT HAPPENED! It’s like…what the fuck? The famous person that we all bought tickets to see just said that joke. He did a good job of it, which is why all of these people around you are laughing. The point here is not for everybody to participate.

So. Can we all agree that the “…and be a dick about it” jokes need to stop? We all know where it came from and it’s not nearly as funny when you do it.

Sorry,

Uncle Dave

*I distinctly remember reading about a guy who got fired for quoting Austin Powers at work, but I can’t find a link anywhere and I’m sick of searching.

Uncle Dave's Music Club

I spent some time this week imagining a world where the most popular country music wasn't just a dude with a twang singin' about trucks and beer over an adult contemporary alternative rock song.  I have two solid examples of the great things that happen when outsiders embrace country and do something a little bit different. I want this to be an entire genre.

Iceage, because Scandinavians do most things better than we do.

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