A Placebo for the Common Cold

Words Andrew Major
Photos Andrew Major
Date Jan 12, 2017

A Common Cold

Like half the people I know, I’ve managed to get sick. No, not for the lack of dirt – I’m still having fun riding the snow choked trails. It’s a common cold. Not even of the man flu variety. Just a Common. F*cking. Cold. WAH!

I’m not against downing an ounce of Nyquil when things get really bad. But, this is more of the drink lots of fluids, have some soup and don’t stay up too late cruising the web. Happy New Year. Did I mention zero sympathy on the home front?!

Grab your favourite bike-industy shot glass and a clean tire lever… it’s time to make a placebo non-remedy for the common cold. AKA: Tequila Negroni. Might as well make two while I’m at it — I know plenty of sick people right now and misery loves company!

Tequila Negroni

Now *Spoiler Alert* not to ruin the ending but you could just Google ‘Tequila Negroni‘ and be pretty much done with it. Only one problem. You’re not that sweet – and neither am I. So in the same vein as Is that a F*cking Potato?, Super Ultimate Recovery Salmon, and Pea Soup for the Trail here’s my take on making life more palatable.

There’s three ingredients in this magical placebo. Tequila. Campari. Vermouth. If you’re fancy you can add a wheel of your favourite citrus element. If you forgot to put the Campari and Vermouth in the fridge you may want AN ice cube. One. Don’t water down the mix.

Tequilla. Campari. Vermouth. I keep the latter two in the fridge so no need for an ice cube for this cold non-medication. Need to add ice? Just take it easy with the watering down.

Normally a Negroni – made with Gin, Tequilla, Bourbon, or etc – is a tasty, if a bit sweet, 1:1:1 beverage. That is to say one measure of one of the former options, one measure of Campari, and one measure of Vermouth.

I suppose that’s all good, but I’m looking for more rocket fuel in my pseudo-cure-all so this is a 2:1:1 concoction.

Step 1

Pour two parts Tequila in each glass. No Tequila? Try Whiskey.

Step 1: Choose your Tequila. It’s all good. No Tequila kicking around? Try Whiskey! …Speaking of whiskey, this shot glass is from Knolly‘s Interbike booth in 2007 or maybe 2008 — back when the bikes were all named after medical terms and it was possible to pedal a rig heavier than 29.983 lbs uphill. Noel at Knolly knows a tonne about Whiskey if you ever run into him and want to talk something other than bikes.

Step 2

Pour one part Campari in each glass. No Campari? Just add one part Tequila instead.

Careful not to spill. And if you do, clean it up before you record photographic evidence. Otherwise you may have to make another round of placebos to retake the image (darn).

Step 3

Pour one part Vermouth in each glass. No Vermouth? Just add one part Tequila instead.

Add one part Vermouth to each glass. Let’s recap: 2x parts Tequila. 1x part Campari. 1x part Vermouth.

Step 4

At this point each glass – or a glass if I’m placebo-ing away my common cold solo – will have two parts Tequila, one part Vermouth, and one part Campari… or possibly four parts Tequila depending on supplies. Perfect.

This is the point that fancy types can add a wheel of lemon, maybe a burnt piece of orange peel, or some leftover Honey Stinger Chews as a garnish. Honey is an effective cough suppressant.

Otherwise just give it a good stir and hopefully feel better!


*sniff* *sip* *blow nose*

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Comments

andy-eunson
0
Andy Eunson  - Jan. 14, 2017, 7:10 p.m.

my cough medicine

Reply

jt
+1 Timer
JT  - Jan. 14, 2017, 9:07 a.m.

For once I have to take exception to an article. Would you accept a salad made with ranch dressing being called a caesar salad? Of course not. To me, the same applies to boozy beverages. A Negroni will always be the trifecta of gin, Campari, and vermouth. Preferably (in my tastes) a Dutch or French gin, or even one of the many good quality gins in NA that are on the wet and herbacious side, and at least Noilly Pratt for the vermouth. If you can't drink the vermouth on its own, you shouldn't use it in a cocktail. Granted, it could have something to do with my 15 years of bartending in fine dining, cocktail bars, dive bars, and a distillery. Let us not go through the late 90's/early 00's issue of 'martini'. So many times I held my tongue when asked, "What kinda martinis do you guys make?"
In fairness, I'll hit up the bottle shop and pick up some tequilla, just so I can giver er a go. Or two.

Reply

drewm
0
DrewM  - Jan. 14, 2017, 9:34 a.m.

The purists say "it's called a Negroni… not a Gin-Negroni… because there's only one way to make it properly; did we really need another wheelsize?"…

…wait, I may be mixing my arguments up!

I like Gin drinks, but a Tequila (Anejo) & Tonic or Tequila Negroni just has another level!

Reply

cooper
0
Cooper Quinn  - Jan. 15, 2017, 12:04 p.m.

In fairness, I think calling it a 'tequila negroni' is fair, as it indicates the change from the base drink. To use your analogy, a 'ranch dressing caesar' to me would be a romaine, parmesean, crouton salad with ranch instead of caesar.

I agree with the 'what kind of martini' sentiment though, a martini is a martini; a vodka martini is something different, but once again indicates what its based on, and what the changes are. A negroni is a negroni; a tequila negroni is something different.

While you're picking up a bottle of tequila, get a bottle of mezcal and make yourself (and lets just…. agree to disagree on the nomenclature I'm about to use) a mezcal Last Word.

Reply

cam@nsmb.com
0
Cam McRae  - Jan. 16, 2017, 10:12 a.m.

I'm generally a purist like you JT and being an Italian speaker and having lived there for a year, I don't generally take to anything that messes with anything Italian. That said, a Negroni made with tequila is my favourite. It's one of the few cocktails that allows the sweet agave nectar to shine without covering it up too much. And I do like gin and your conventional Negroni. Like Andrew I often find the 1:1:1 a little sweet but my solution has been to cut down on the red vermouth and keep the other ingredients as is.

Reply

Reverend
0
Tim Ambler  - Jan. 13, 2017, 3:12 p.m.

May I recommend keeping an eye out for my boys over at The Woods Spirit Co -- . Their amaro is a nice upgrade on campari and they're building their new distillery in North Van. They've got some early bottles available in private liquor stores and with better bartenders.

Reply

drewm
0
DrewM  - Jan. 13, 2017, 7:39 p.m.

Actually been using Averna amaro in lieu of campari and it's a nice improvement. Great info re. local product and I'll definitely try the Woods Spirits version!

Cheers!

Reply

dorse
0
The Big Picture  - Jan. 13, 2017, 11:33 a.m.

I use this type of self medication to inoculate my self. I call it preventive maintenance.

Reply

craw
0
Cr4w  - Jan. 13, 2017, 8:12 a.m.

Did you try wearing more purple?

Reply

drewm
0
DrewM  - Jan. 13, 2017, 8:26 a.m.

All. The. Purple.

Reply

bart
0
bart  - Jan. 13, 2017, 7:37 a.m.

Feel Better Andrew! I like to keep some "Cold Medicine" at the shop, just in case.

Reply

drewm
0
DrewM  - Jan. 13, 2017, 7:39 a.m.

Thanks Bart!

Reply

GladePlayboy
0
Rob Gretchen  - Jan. 13, 2017, 6:17 a.m.

ha, ha… love it…

Reply

d3z
0
D3Z  - Jan. 16, 2017, 5:15 a.m.

I'm totally with the Gin crew, since the Negroni is the only cocktail worth mentioning from Italy. As the Woondrich bible puts it, the reason there's not that many cocktails from this part of the world is that "alcohol goes WITH things", it's never a thing on its own. Bless the Italians! 🙂 As for the vermouth, I'd personally go with Lillet Rouge. Add some Bombay Gin (Blue) and you're set. For the garnish crowd or the ones complaining it'd not be sweet enough, throw a slice of blood orange in for good measure. Needless to say, that drink is much more enjoyable at a sunny beach than in the snow….

Reply

cam@nsmb.com
0
Cam McRae  - Jan. 16, 2017, 10:13 a.m.

I like your style D3Z. That said, give tequila a try. See my comments above.

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