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REVIEW | EDITORIAL

Canyon Counter-Review

Words Andrew Major
Photos Deniz Merdano (Unless Noted)
Date Aug 29, 2021

A Canyon Between Experiences

As a lover of budget bikes, min-maxing, and hardtails I was really excited to read Cooper's review of the Canyon Stoic 4 hardtail. Sure, it could be just a touch slacker in the HTA and I personally wish it came with sliding dropouts like the new Honzo DL, but it's a nice package for 2450 CAD | 1780 USD.

There's also the poetic delight of witnessing a white-gloved aristocrat try to talk to a common person, which you get in concentrate when a tester reviews a complete bike that costs less than the wheels they're accustomed to riding. As the great bard, William S., ~ said: "You want to see whatever common people see? You want to ride like common people? You want to ride like common people, like me?"

If you haven't checked out his piece yet, the Canyon Stoic belongs in a shortlist of truly rideable budget-friendly machines that are ready to rock out of the box. And it's not that Cooper didn't do an excellent job of surrounding Deniz's beautiful photos with words, it's just that I vehemently disagree with one of his fundamental claims. That tiny flaw, which makes his diamond only suitable for industrial use. His whiniest of conclusions. Ah, just thinking about it leaves a battery-like taste in my mouth.

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The Stoic 4 cuts a nice figure. I personally think this colour looks a lot better with purple highlights.

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The NSMB.com Stoic 4 review is packed full of beautiful shots by Deniz. It's worth a scroll through at the least.

The Canyon FUEL Water Bottle

I am, of course, talking about Cooper's mini-review of the Canyon FUEL water bottle. I sincerely hope that no one held back on purchasing one of these beautiful 10 CAD | 8 USD, fully recyclable, lightweight, easy to clean water receptacles based on his take. And if you did, well, I can't even...

"This included water bottle is stupid. EVERY OTHER water bottle in my house has a lid that's interchangeable. This Canyon bottle has a completely incompatible lid, and the little bit you suck out of is sharp and pinchy. Give this to someone you don't like." - Cooper Quinn

Other things aside, I have never had a water bottle, at any price, that shoots water like the FUEL. I've owned a lot of different water bottles, and yes Cooper - most of them had interchangeable tops, and not one of them could hit half the distance of the Canyon bottle. Not only is that fantastic for getting water straight into my mouth, and nowhere else, when I'm wearing a full-face helmet, but I am also definitely not losing a trailside water fight with any of my friends or, more importantly, my child.

Canyon Fuel Bottle Lid NSMB AndrewM.JPG

I like that the only branding on the FUEL bottle (and yes, you have to yell 'FUEL!' every time you read it - they're a German brand) is the subtle Canyon logo on the cap ring. (Photo: AM)

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"Do you like the nipple though? I find it pinches my lips. It's made me bleed!" (Quote: Cooper Quinn)

To manage his other points, the nozzle is soft silicone and couldn't cut yogurt. Also, if mix-matching bottles and lids make you hot then give all your inferior used bottles to your frenemies and buy a quartet of Canyon FUEL bottles for two Elizabeth's, and the problem is solved. Or, I guess actually, it would be a trio of bottles since one comes with your Canyon Strive 4 for free.

The bottles have gradient markings which I guess would be helpful if you've been riding too much and it's your turn to make dinner, and all your measuring implements are dirty. On the other hand, the clear strip is a pretty handy indicator of how much water is left for the rider whose hand isn't also a carefully calibrated scale. I have no idea why the Strive comes with the 600ml version of the bottle, but the 750ml versions I'm using hold a lot of water without being unwieldy themselves. The bottles actually have a really nice shape as well, they fit extra-snug in my King Ti cages but are still very easy to slip in and out.

Cooper's Final Word

It wouldn't be sporting to come flying in here half-wheeling Cooper's review without giving him a chance to defend his opinion, and present a strong case for whatever bottle he thinks is better. After all, he's not alone in not liking the FUEL. It gets 4.1/5 Stars for 1449 customer reviews. Most of the negative reviews don't have anything to say about the bottle, isn't that just the internet for you? But Cooper can count among his company the dude who finds water comes out of the spout too quickly when he squeezes the bottle, and the dude whose bottle leaks but admits he's too lazy to arrange a replacement.

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Do you remember where we parked the Not-A-Tacoma? I swear it was around here somewhere!

At any rate, after a thorough vetting of my copy and extensive debate about the myriad facets in our disagreement on the relative qualities of the Canyon FUEL, Cooper submitted this rebuttal:

"If you want to add to your Canyon water bottle collection, I have one I'll give you."

If you would like to add to, or start, your Canyon water bottle collection, the Fuel is available in black or clear in 600ml or 750ml versions. The black bottles have options for black, red, blue, or turquoise cap-rings and they all come with a two-year guarantee. Not bad for 10 CAD / 8 USD.

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Comments

cooperquinn
+12 Andrew Major papa44 ZigaK Cr4w Mammal Pete Roggeman Karl Fitzpatrick Todd Hellinga Taiki mrbrett Marc Fenigstein Tremeer023
Cooper Quinn  - Aug. 29, 2021, 10:09 p.m.

Reply

AndrewMajor
+2 papa44 Karl Fitzpatrick
Andrew Major  - Aug. 29, 2021, 10:25 p.m.

HAHAHAHAHA. So good.

Reply

papa44
+1 Andrew Major
papa44  - Aug. 29, 2021, 11:39 p.m.

On a semi sort of related note, what is the most popular method of keeping your nipples clean? I always have to swipe mud and dust before a swig

Reply

AndrewMajor
+1 papa44
Andrew Major  - Aug. 30, 2021, 3:23 a.m.

My attempt at humour aside, some premium bottles have nipple shields (and lids that match Cooper’s other bottles). They add a step but work okay.

When it’s legit mucky I do one quick squirt away and then squirt into my mouth. No beaver-fever to date. Knock on wood x 1,000.

This didn’t work for my kid, and the bottle I had didn’t easily fit her frame either, and now she has a nifty Fidlock bottle ($$) where there’s a hinged cover - she loves it. I sometimes have daymares that she’s lost it and I have to pony up for another.

I actually did go back to a bladder one year after all my friends who did the Test Of Metal with bottles became sick-sick and my friends with hydration packs didn’t… I just so prefer bottles that I went back. I do think the hydration pack (with covered nipple) is the cleanest option.

Reply

papa44
+1 Andrew Major
papa44  - Aug. 30, 2021, 5:44 a.m.

I agree about bottles being the proper way to drink water. Those fidlocks look interesting but crikey, one more expensive piece of bicycle exotica to molly coddle. Probably better than galloping gutrot from flicked up trail side dog poo though.

Reply

AndrewMajor
+2 papa44 cornedbeef
Andrew Major  - Aug. 30, 2021, 7:50 a.m.

Totally, it’s very secure - especially for how easy it is to take on/off but certainly I don’t drive with it on the roof rack. In addition to not having to hear about it being dirty I love that my kidlet is managing her own hydration.

Only the smallest option fits her frame so on hot days she’ll get a refill from one of my bottles.

Reply

AndrewMajor
+1 papa44
Andrew Major  - Aug. 30, 2021, 8 a.m.

Also, holy crap there has been a shit load of pooch poop plopped on some trails this summer?!?!

One ride when I had to clean my High Grip 2.8” Vigilante and both my kid’s tires I actually was considering we should be back to bladders.

Reply

fartymarty
+1 Andrew Major
fartymarty  - Aug. 30, 2021, 5:29 a.m.

Camelbak podium bottles have a rubber mud cap that is an extra £7.

Reply

AndrewMajor
0
Andrew Major  - Aug. 30, 2021, 7:51 a.m.

That’s why people do insanely crap looking stuff like rubber a band a sandwich bag over their bottle. Insane price?!

Reply

craw
+2 Pete Roggeman Andrew Major
Cr4w  - Aug. 30, 2021, 9:04 a.m.

Because water bottles aren't always a great solution. A rubber band over a sandwich bag over a water bottle is the Invermectin of hydration solutions.

Reply

mammal
+3 Andrew Major kcy4130 Vik Banerjee
Mammal  - Aug. 30, 2021, 8:23 a.m.

Podium bottles make up 3/4 of my collection, and they are over priced so they can be overly complicated. The nozzle is made up of 4 pieces (!) that collects dirt/muck and cultivated mill dew like nobody's business. And those 4pcs are a bit of a bastard to disassemble/reassemble for cleaning. They are the bane of cycling hydration, even before you pay £7 for a mud cap.

Reply

AndrewMajor
0
Andrew Major  - Aug. 30, 2021, 8:31 a.m.

I’m not one for rebuilding water bottle lids so I just boil them. Sanitize the dirt I can’t displace!

Reply

fartymarty
+1 Andrew Major
fartymarty  - Aug. 30, 2021, 11:25 a.m.

I let the dishwasher do the work.

Reply

Vikb
+1 Andrew Major
Vik Banerjee  - Aug. 30, 2021, 11:09 a.m.

Yes Podiums are the worst. I was spending a bunch of time cleaning them and then when I moved recently I got rid of them and started fresh with some new bottles with simple caps.

My love for ugly things like frame bags and fenders means my bottles don't get particularly dirty so drinking from them doesn't require mud caps or anything like that.

Reply

hongeorge
+3 Cr4w trumpstinyhands Andrew Major
hongeorge  - Aug. 30, 2021, 3:59 a.m.

William Shatner deserves a lot of things, but credit for that lyric isn't one of them. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuTMWgOduFM

Reply

craw
+2 Andrew Major hongeorge
Cr4w  - Aug. 30, 2021, 7 a.m.

Came here to be a know-it-all PITA but someone beat me to it. Upvote for you.

Reply

trumpstinyhands
+2 Andrew Major Cr4w
trumpstinyhands  - Aug. 30, 2021, 7:43 a.m.

I just listened to the Shatner version for the first time. It pains me to say it, but it's pretty good :D

Reply

AndrewMajor
+1 mrbrett
Andrew Major  - Aug. 30, 2021, 7:54 a.m.

Right?! His version of She Blinded Me With Science is a Shatnerific masterpiece as well.

Reply

AndrewMajor
+2 hongeorge mrbrett
Andrew Major  - Aug. 30, 2021, 7:56 a.m.

Hahaha, learn something every day! 

But can we agree that, just like Cash’s Hurt, this is much better than the original?!

Reply

mammal
+2 Andrew Major mrbrett
Mammal  - Aug. 30, 2021, 8:31 a.m.

Cash's Hurt is good, but nothing compared to Reznor's, due to all the crazy Reznorisms layered into the background of that song. Truly one to listen to on headphones. There's a Netflix Song Exploder episode on that one.

Reply

AndrewMajor
+1 mrbrett
Andrew Major  - Aug. 30, 2021, 8:39 a.m.

Hahahaha… it’s amazing how bad I suck at fishing in real life compared to on the internet. 

But we can all agree that Marilyn Manson’s version of Sweet Dreams is better than the Eurythmics right?!

Reply

fartymarty
0
fartymarty  - Aug. 30, 2021, 11:29 a.m.

Didn't Reznor even say that Cash owned that song?  I'm with the man in  black.

Reply

hongeorge
0
hongeorge  - Aug. 30, 2021, 2:05 p.m.

No on both counts, but I wouldn't hate you for it

Reply

cam@nsmb.com
+1 Andrew Major
Cam McRae  - Aug. 30, 2021, 8:42 a.m.

Shatner + music = please never again! 

Original is where it’s at for sure. And TBH I never clicked Andrew’s link while editing and assumed the “William S” he was referring to was Shakespeare and that Pulp had plagiarized the bard! LOL Otherwise I would have caught that as well.

Reply

AndrewMajor
+2 viccuus mrbrett
Andrew Major  - Aug. 30, 2021, 8:48 a.m.

Hahahaha. Going to have to try and hide a Shatner song link in every piece I write now?!

(Kidding, kidding)

Reply

cam@nsmb.com
+1 Andrew Major
Cam McRae  - Aug. 30, 2021, 8:56 a.m.

Ack! What have I done!

This one, IMHO, is something special. 

https://youtu.be/oFFTdNX3utY

And here’s why you never mess with “William S!”

https://youtu.be/r4WvC7jQY_Q

Reply

AndrewMajor
+1 Cam McRae
Andrew Major  - Aug. 30, 2021, 9:25 a.m.

That Bowie cover is pretty killer. Cheers!

Reply

fartymarty
+1 Andrew Major
fartymarty  - Aug. 30, 2021, 11:32 a.m.

Bowie could have covered anything and it would be great.  The man had talent.

Reply

taprider
+1 Cam McRae
taprider  - Aug. 30, 2021, 3:41 p.m.

You fooled me Andrew
At first I thought "William S." was going to refer to William Shakespeare and Andrew would provide some witticism like "Lord, what fools these mortals be!", “Thou damned and luxurious mountain goat.” or “You Banbury cheese!” or something

Reply

AndrewMajor
0
Andrew Major  - Aug. 30, 2021, 6:21 p.m.

Hahahahaha

Reply

wishiwereriding
0
John Keiffer  - Aug. 30, 2021, 12:16 p.m.

This comment has been removed.

jrawk
+1 Andrew Major
jrawk  - Aug. 30, 2021, 8:40 p.m.

Screw the water bottle, tell me more about that digi camo goodness that is some kind of canopy or camper?!

Reply

AndrewMajor
0
Andrew Major  - Aug. 30, 2021, 8:51 p.m.

Huh? Where?

Reply

cam@nsmb.com
0
Cam McRae  - Aug. 30, 2021, 8:58 p.m.

That is Cooper Quinn’s not-a-Tacoma’s canopy. Likely ‘bespoke’ as he likes to say. 

(He doesn’t really say that actually!)

Reply

cooperquinn
+1 Andrew Major
Cooper Quinn  - Aug. 31, 2021, 11:33 a.m.

Ah, that's mine. 

Its an AT Overland Habitat. Folds open like so: 

Reply

AndrewMajor
0
Andrew Major  - Aug. 31, 2021, 4:53 p.m.

Is it guaranteed Lion-proof or what?

Reply

rwalters
0
Ryan Walters  - Sept. 4, 2021, 11:34 a.m.

Gotta side with Coop on this one - I've had the misfortune of using the Canyon bottle a few times.

If you ride in muddy conditions, and you love getting a mouthful of dirt every time you take a drink of water, then this bottle is for you!

Reply

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