People Are The Worst

Hey Uncle Dave,

My buddies and I have been riding this little known, ridiculously fun, steep, loamy downhill trail for a few years. Recently, a group of new builders have discovered the trail and have gone wild putting in new lips and gaps everywhere. This has given the trail a different tone and more options, but has caused the trail to become much easier to find. I’ve seen far more people riding the trail as well as serious trail damage from overuse. Also, it has made me worry about the possibility of the trail being shut down if anyone were to sustain serious injury, or if local rangers see too many people riding. How do you recommend communicating this to the new trail gnomes without sounding selfish and/or anti-mountain bike?

Sincerely,
Concerned About My Local Trails

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Dear Cameltoe:

Thanks for the question. Before we get into it though, how dare you admit to somebody that you know the location of a trail. Don’t you know how this works? Nobody knows where any trail is, ever. Even if it’s paved and in guidebooks and all over the Internet. Even if you’re in a bike park standing in front of a giant trail map. You should either deny existence of the trail or (at a minimum) claim ignorance to the location of said trail. Just by your description above, thousands of additional riders have found your trail. None of them are deserving. You’ve ruined mountain biking.

Moving along, you’re wondering how to change the behaviour of other trail users without sounding like a dick. Well, unfortunately, you can’t. I don’t know what the deal is with people these days, but you’re not allowed to tell anybody that they’re doing anything wrong, or that their opinion is different from yours. They won’t listen to you. They’re liable to get upset. And they’re for sure going to tell all their friends on Facebook about the “asshole that freaked out on them out in the woods.” People are the worst. Especially the chainsaw wielding, shovel carting bros that build shitty lips all over every trail, even if it defies physics or otherwise makes no sense.

However, if you insist on pursuing this holier-than-thou madness, might I recommend a few things.

Do it in person. Generally, people will act fairly nicely if you approach them slowly and hold your hands out to show them that you aren’t carrying any weapons. While they’ll still not like you, they probably won’t make fun of you until you’re a few minutes down the trail after your conversation.

Keep it focussed on you being “worried that too many people are finding the trail.” People can generally get on board with excluding others from things that they might enjoy. They may be willing to participate in better hiding the entrance.

Don’t put up trail cameras to catch them in the act and then report them to the police. Somebody tried this. It ended badly.

But, sorry to say. Trail gnomes are like bedbugs. Once they get a foot in the door, you’ll never get them to see logic, listen to your ideas or stop biting your legs while you sleep.

Sorry,
Uncle Dave

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Hi Dave.

I think that the vast majority of mountain bikers are probably very good stewards of the forests. However, I have noticed more and more garbage from MOUNTAIN BIKERS on our beloved trails in West Kelowna over the past year. Is it worth putting up a sign saying Please Leave No Trace or should I shut up and continue quietly cleaning up the messes left behind by people who don’t recognize how lucky they are to have beautiful single track to ride on Crown land?

Sick of the Garbage

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Dear Soggy:

Please read the first answer. People are the worst and you’ll never do anything to change them. Still…thinking a bit about this, I can’t help but notice that my trailheads suffer from a distinct lack of garbage. No shotgun shells. No discarded beer cases. A bit of dog poop, sure. But not much else.

As a person born and raised in Kamloops, I think I know what is going on here. You’re not suffering from a “mountain biker garbage” problem. You’re suffering from an “Interior Redneck” problem. Is it worst on a Saturday morning? Are there sometimes smouldering fires and/or burnt out hulks of jacked up pickup trucks scattered amongst the mountains of garbage? Lots of shitty, piss-water beer empties with holes punched in the bottom? Classic Redneck signs. Short of hanging out at the trailhead each and every Friday evening, pleading with hoards of drunk people that don’t give a shit about what you have to say, there really isn’t anything you can do. If you put up a sign, they’ll light it on fire. If you leave a garbage can, they’ll light it on fire. If you decide to just collect the garbage all on your own, they’ll still probably figure out a way to light it on fire. You, and your trails, are screwed.

Sorry,
Uncle Dave

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Cameltoe – yours is the Ask Uncle Dave letter of the week. Congrats You have scored a pair of  Ryders Loops Polarized shades

Rollercoasters. Shoelaces. Drum breaks. All of the best things on earth involve loops of some kind. The LOOPS combines all of these things into one stylish pair of sunglasses.

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