Why are MTB Riders Such Critical Pricks?

This question came to me quite some time ago. And I happily banged out the response the next day. However, I didn’t quite feel ready to deal with the aftermath. But strange things are happening these days. Every time I’m exposed to groups of mountain bikers I seem to care less about all that crap floating around in this world and whether or not my opinion of it is offensive. So I’ll use this period of poor judgement and indifference to finally send this one out into the world. Instalment #30 feels like the right time to do so.

I do feel like there is some overlap with this piece here, which was actually written after today’s…diatribe, and likely would have been slightly different had this already been posted. I think this one is suitably fresh, though. And if you have a problem with this, I’m going to question whether you read either of them.

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Dear Uncle Dave

Two part question:
Why are MTB riders such critical pricks, and why, given that fact, are they also so sensitive to criticism?

Sincerely,
Sick of the Criticism

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Dear SOCK:

Your question has a simple and a more difficult answer. The simple answer is this: people are the worst. But of course, we’ll make it more complicated than that. And yes, I see the irony of a page long tirade criticizing the critical. But the question was asked, and Uncle Dave responds.

Part 1.

It does indeed feel like MTB riders can be a band of over-critical pricks. They complain about bikes they have not ridden. They complain about articles they have not read. They complain about trails. They complain about things costing too much. Being too cheap. Too heavy. Too light. Too exclusive. Too common. On and on. There probably isn’t something that exists in mountain biking that hasn’t been complained about vocally and extensively.

I think an equally valid question would be “are mountain bike riders more critical than the average person?” Because, let’s face it, non mountain bikers are critical jerks as well. People seem to think that by spending 3 dollars on a hamburger they’re the King of England and you should treat them as such. Everywhere you go these days, there’s outrage! My 10 dollar Wal Mart shirt fell apart! The cashier making minimum wage wasn’t nice enough to me! These roads are too crowded and the taxes are too high to pay for them! Don’t they know who I am? People expect the world, don’t want to pay for it and freak out when they don’t get it. There are three direct causes of all of this: Too much choice, the Internet, and reality television.

First off, it’s only with too much choice that people become needy whingers. Did people wander around the USSR complaining about axle standards? No. Do McDonalds customers complain about the coffee? No. They know they’re going to get a shitty cup of coffee and they deal with it. Here’s your shit, stuff it in your face hole and be marginally happy with the results, minion! (although I bet complaints about McDonald’s coffee have gone up exponentially since they added fancy coffees into the mix…horrible fancy coffees, but fancy nonetheless) But wander into a Starbucks and watch these insane people order their similarly shitty but oh-so-complicated tongue twister in an environmentally destructive package. Their expectations are huge, and miss even one of their demands and they’ll freak out. This is mountain bikers. The tubeless, soft compound, dry weather, reinforced casing tires on my 650b trail bike didn’t perform perfectly on my taxpayer funded enduro trail so I’m going to take to the Internet to tell everybody about how terrible it all is. Endlessly.

Which segues us into the Internet. The perfect place for these people with no idea what they are talking about to voice their complaints (yes, yes. That’s a mighty black kettle over there). All of a sudden, everybody is a lawyer, doctor, veterinarian or car mechanic and wants to tell you precisely how things should be done and what you’re doing wrong. Give people a medium and they’ll use it for what they love the most. Pornography, fart jokes, grandstanding and complaining. And every day we create new avenues for people to voice their complaints. Yelp. Trip Advisor. Rate my Professor. www.bicyclecomplaints.com could probably make somebody a small fortune. Luckily, the government is busy monitoring all of this communication and perhaps they’ll have a solution for us in the near future.

Lastly, we have reality television. Before reality television, there were barriers to fame, fortune and entitled expectations. People realized that they weren’t Madonna or Christian Bale or Elon Musk and they acted like normal human beings. But then…then a few overweight jackasses won a million dollars by eating bugs or singing karaoke or treating people terribly, and all of a sudden, well…That could be me! I could be that person! I could be famous! And they started to act accordingly. Everyone is a Kardashian and fuck you if you don’t recognize it.

The combination of these three things has/will destroy society.

Part 2.

To answer your second question, I think we need to look a bit at demographics. I have zero scientific evidence to back this up, but based on years of observation, I feel like I can make some sweeping generalizations about mountain bikers. Think of the last group of riders that you passed on the trail. Now, how would you describe them? Would you use a term like “underprivileged”? Probably not. “Middle class”? Getting warmer. “Delusional latte sipper with more money than sense?” Maybe that goes a bit too far.

I’m not suggesting that every mountain biker is rolling around with a wallet full of money. And I’m certainly not suggesting that those with fewer resources shouldn’t participate in this sport.* I’m just saying that, for the most part, there is a “type” who mountain bikes. And that “type” just happens to be part of the luckiest and smuggest group of people to ever walk the face of the planet.

Middle class humans living in developed nations have grown up on easy street. Yes, things like cancer and car accidents and sexual assault don’t care whether or not you are the target recipient of government tax cuts. Bad things happen to us all. But not many of us had to worry about starvation or meeting our weekly quota of blood diamonds or were chained to a table and forced to sew clothes for the Gap. We’re soft people. Our parents and teachers coddled us. Our politicians pandered to us. On average, we are frivolous people with too much money who grew up under relatively cushy circumstances. We pedal around in the woods on hunks of metal that cost more than most people spend on cars! It’s obscene!

The strange thing is, because we won the life lottery, we’ve become insanely obtuse. Nothing is ever our fault and we’re never wrong and we’re used to getting our way and we don’t like it when people question us. Even if our own criticism of others is insane, invalid and irrelevant, heaven help the person that points that out. We figure anybody worse off than us must be a bad person and deserve what they’ve gotten and anybody better off must have stolen it or otherwise cheated. We have no respect for anybody or anything. Does this sound like the kind of people that will respond well to criticism?

Think of kids in developing nations, happily playing soccer with a bundle of rags. There are actually an alarmingly large number of photos of this on the Internet that will fill you with shame.

Do mountain bikers know this sort of gratitude?

Look at those kids. Do you think those kids complain about their ball sucking, or not playing on natural grass, or that their press coverage is too negative? Do you think that they’d get upset if you pointed out that their ball does in fact suck or that their field wasn’t sized to international standards or that their passing techniques were subpar? No. They wouldn’t. These kids are the opposite of mountain bikers.

So, this week, nobody gets a prize. This week, Uncle Dave is giving $25 (US, mind you…which could break my Canadian bank) to these people so that some kids get a soccer ball. The next time you fire up your Internet hate generation machine and prepare to bang out a scolding of some guy/journalist/company that has offended your sensibilities, perhaps you should do the same instead. That includes complaining about this installment of Uncle Dave. Complaints had better come with proof of donation.

Sorry,
Uncle Dave

*On an inclusivity front, I think mountain biking is making some progress. The growth of females in this sport is amazing. And “lower cost” bikes are better than ever. But we’re still a group of people that calls $2500 bicycles “cheap”, which really says something about us.

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Are we really? Us? Seriously?